Monday, July 13, 2015

If I could tell you...

If I could tell you...

I would tell you to leave.  I would tell you to break off your relationship.  I would tell you to put one foot in front of the other and walk out the door; while you are still alive.  Alive in multiple senses... emotionally alive, mentally alive, and well, physically alive.  Leave while you are whole.

I would tell you about the scars mental and emotional abuse leave.  I would tell you about the nightmares that continue for years later.  I would tell you irrational fears that develop and take years to overcome.  I would tell you that the further you go and the more you start believing you are crazy; you are not.  That is your inner voice telling you in a backwards way that you are not safe and you are now closer to being completely controlled by someone else.

I would tell you the further you go into a relationship and the more often fleeting visions pop into your head of being murdered by someone you are supposed to love, are actually internal warning signs that you are not in the right place.  I would tell you NOT to ignore them but to heed to them and walk away.  I would tell you that the emotional and mental abuse are suffocating and to this day I panic when anything gets too close to my neck.

I would tell you that you are most likely being treated with the utmost respect as of now.  You are a princess in his eyes now.  You are being told that all of his ex-girlfriends were 'crazy' and that he can't believe his fortune to now have finally found someone normal.  You are being praised and/or worshiped in someway that feels good a this moment.

And now I will tell you that this all comes to an end.  He will find your weak spots and exploit them.  He will find out your fears and exploit them.  He will intentionally creak havoc and mayhem because he thrives on it- and you will be in the middle of it.  You will start to wonder who the crazy woman is you've become.  You will be confused and not understand.  You will be looking for a way out. If, and that is truly, a BIG IF, you find your way out, the manipulation will continue.  Perhaps for even years.  If you are weak, you may become a princess again, and you may hear promises that things will work out.  If you are strong, you will eventually find your whole self again- but you will be forever changed.  Jaded, and in need of finding inner peace, and in need of answers to how something like that could have happened to you by someone you thought you trusted.  You will also learn what religious abuse is- because it will happen to you.

I would also tell you, that there are others out there who are more deserving of your love. Other out there who would be thrilled to have you as a friend/spouse someday.  There will be someone out there that will encourage and support you for who you are and not who they try to make you out to be.

No title of 'wife', symbol of a ring, or perceived social status of "being married" is worth what you will go through if you don't get out.

I will also share that I am beyond thankful and blessed to have a husband now who treats me with respect, who cares for me far beyond what I imagined, and shares faith with me.  A husband who does not manipulate me, who understand my fears and keeps me safe.  A husband who would give his all for me.

I don't know you; although I've heard your name.  I encourage you to reach out the others who have already gone through what you are likely to endure with time; and really contemplate if that is what you want.  I write this today because I don't ever want to hear another woman say, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"  "Why didn't anyone say anything?"  It is here written...

1 comment:

maaretp said...

This is a powerful post. I believe that some one will benefit from your courage.