Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Dear Daven {February 6, 2018}

You are lying there sleeping on the couch, covered in a towel.  Underneath you have pajama bottoms on which have hiked up to your knees, no top, and socks; you haven't peed since 6 a.m. this morning.  I'm sitting across the room watching you and my heart breaks into a million pieces. 

This was our day... well this and about 10 outfit changes until I just took your clothes off you

The last three weeks have been nothing short of challenging.  It all started out with a fever, progressed to RSV with bronchitis, coughing so hard you were puking, missing over a week of child care, starting nebulizers, to settling down a little, only to start antibiotics because it was possible you had a sinus infection which couldn't be detected because your tonsils are nearly occluded and bright red.  At the tail end of this I ended up having oral surgery to remove hardware from a surgery that I had 20 years ago, because a NP refused to treat a sinus infection (which was courtesy of caring for a sick child) which subsequently infected the said hardware.  Just as we were having a few days in which your true personality was showing up again and I believed you were feeling better and I myself was starting to feel normal...you puked at daycare.

I went to pick you up thinking it might have only been that you were coughing too hard again.  Only to have you looking pale and quite limp when I got there.  You puked again on our way home in the car all over your jacket and blanket.  I was able to get you to sleep for two hours and give you Pedialyte once you got up.  You appeared fine for about 1.5 hours before the continuous puking started.  Over twenty times in two hours.  Finally after speaking with your pediatrician about your noodle like body, dried lips, body wrenching vomits which only produced mucus and bile, were we able to get a prescription for Zofran.  I'm currently in the stages of praying that it works and we do not have to take the second step of bringing you in to the ER for an IV. 

Seeing you like this is one of the most heart wrenching things

So, now that all of this is written what I most want you to know and others is; again your amazing personality throughout this.  During the RSV stage and coughing until you puke, and again puking with this stomach bug, you get upset whimper and then say, "I sorry mama".  This breaks the pieces of my heart into sand sized pieces and I wonder if I'll ever have my heart back together.  Never once have you been yelled at or scolded for being sick but yet somehow you have decided (I know not where you learned it) to apologize for being sick.  It is these times that I hold you closer and tighter and hope that you understand that my love for you is so great that it is at times physically painful. 

During these last three weeks you continue to wake up every morning talking about "lions" your current high interest item.  Today in the midst of puking you were able to find humor in a ladybug falling off of a shoe in a nursery rhyme you were watching.  When you just needed a snuggle today from being exhausted from puking you would say, "mama huggies" and snuggle into my chest and look up at me as if I were the best thing that happened to you today.  And again my heart breaks because many moms just like me feel that they are not quite enough.  We are enough and I keep reminding myself that but you kiddos have a way of humbling us to the core.

9:25 p.m.  As I rocked you to sleep after a major poop blowout in the tub and all over the bathroom floor you again looked up at me and said, "I sorry mama" and my heart broke again.  I love you little man, I love you.  I hope and pray that in 10 days when your little brother enters this world our home is healthy again.  Then we can focus on teaching you what it's like to be a brother but still mama's little man!

Monday, October 30, 2017

Dear Daven {October 30, 2017}

Dear Daven-

Over the past month you have transitioned from the infant room to the toddler room at your place of child care.  You are not too happy about this change.

Today you asked me for toast.  I made the toast you gave your enthusiastic reply of "Oh ho ho" and promptly bit into the toast.  Then promptly gave it back to me and requested "mama orange juice".  I tried to convince you that there wasn't orange juice as I wasn't sure you really wanted it; however, you went over to the fridge opened the door and repeated "mama orange juice".  You drank down what was left in an open cup, not a drop was spilled.  I asked you if you wanted the rest of your toast to which you replied, "no toast mama".

After playing for a few more minute you stated from your play, "Mama potty" to which we went upstairs and you went.

You've been using the toilet successfully for your morning business for the past 5-6 weeks.  There has only been two incidences of not making it to the toilet quick enough after you wake up.  There have been multiple occasions on the weekends or evenings when you have stated your need to use the toilet and much to my surprise you have gone!

You've taken to yelling out, "Robert" when you want attention.  Robert is your dad, so this request for attention from him is usually followed up by "that is your dad you can say 'dada'"!

Every morning after using the toilet you get a fresh diaper on and we go downstairs to get dressed for the day.  This process of going down the steps involves you yelling for "Nadia, Nadia" to get her to come downstairs with you so you can let her outside to go potty.  The two of you have developed a fun routine of teasing each other which usually results with you giving the most genuine belly laugh, unless you've pulled her tail or hair too hard.  This certainly is a wonderful way to start my day.  One way of teasing Nadia is to take her tail and wave it back and forth while saying "wag wag" then laughing.  She isn't a huge fan of it but is starting to tolerate it as you've quit pulled her tail as often as you once did.

One evening after our usual routine of evening prayers and forgiveness I was rocking you and you were having a hard time calming your body down.  In my frustration I stated, "Daven you need to calm your body down", to which you demanded "WHAT!?"

You have a very strong and independent mind.  You prefer not to be interrupted when you are enjoying yourself playing.  If you decide you are going to do something even if it is not appropriate you will often still do it quicker than I can stop you and you usually follow it up by telling yourself "no-no".

You've tasted dog food a handful of times.

You still ask for your Papa Walter every day.  I can only imagine you have conversations in your head with him as one evening in the past month as I was rocking you to sleep you were saying "Papa  octopus, Kiki, Papa, octopus, Kiki"  Kiki being the over sized stuffed gorilla in your classroom named Kenny.  I can only imagine what the three of you were up to.  When we facetime Papa often you want to see him, won't say much, but the moment we hang up we have a hundred things to say to Papa.  The other day you sat in your car seat as I was driving and repeatedly say "Thank you Papa, Thank you Papa" I can only imagine what was going through your head.

You often say "thank you dada" to your dad when he gives you something you've asked for.  You name your Nana Alice's dog's "my-no" for Milo, and "daw dee" for Harley.  You have gotten more assertive with telling your dog Snowey to "move" out of your way.

You love to eat oatmeal for breakfast almost every morning.  You are labeling some shapes such as circle, oval, heart, and octagon.  You find the number two easy to use.  You have between 200-300 words- I quit counting as they were coming so quickly.

All of this and you are 3 days shy of being 18 months old.  I love you little dude,  I love you!

~Mama, Mommy, Mom

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Dear Daven {June 25, 2017}

Dear Daven-

You are the bravest little boy I know.  Just today we were back in Urgent care because a fever you've struggled with since early Friday morning wouldn't go away.  Today we learned you have your fifth ear infection in 5 months, and that your tonsils which are normally too large are swollen are bright red, although you are without strep.  Friday we were at the ENTs office and learned you will have PE tubes placed on July 13, 2017.  And that possibly next summer you will need to have your tonsils out due to sleep apnea.  The amazing thing about you Daven, is this, in spite of having had recurring ear infections you remain pretty happy, considering.  When you get upset you settle with mom reading you books.  We've read Brown Bear Brown Bear about 500 times now, somedays even reading it upwards of 20 times repeatedly.  In spite of having recurring ear infections you continue to learn new words, albeit, they can be difficult to decipher; however, when your little hand raises and you point a tiny little finger at what you want it's easy to learn what your words are.  At the end of May you started putting two words together (you are only 12 months at this time) the first two phrases were "more milk" and "more bottle".

You have the greatest will, strong persistence, and amazing grit when you are trying to figure new things out.  You continue to do this even when you are not feeling well.  When you get upset with mom, you'll look at her and say "no no" and then quickly swipe her glasses from her face, or you'll quickly take a handful of hair and pull.

Mom has had many offers to help you via Essentia Oils, all of which I have not responded to.  Let me tell you why.  I am a mother of science.  Anatomically this is what has been happening.  Your adenoids when enlarged block off the eustachian tube.  The eustachian tube is what drains the fluid from your inner ear into your pharyngeal area.  When the adenoids block the eustachian tube the fluid just sits in your middle ear, festering until it can a) drain when the eustachian tube is clear/unblocked and/or b) you get an ear infection and your ear drum bursts or you get put on medication to clear it up.  No amount of oil I rub behind your ear or put into your ear is going to change your anatomical makeup.  Each to there own when it comes to oils.  There is a place for them just not in this situation.  They may smell nice if you diffuse them and that smell may help calm a person down.... if you are anxious.

Enough about that.  Daven, you make me a proud Speech Pathologist momma every day.  You follow simple directions, you answer some yes/no questions even if you shouldn't, and your vocabulary growth is constantly amazing me.  Your most recent words have been clock and sky.  I love you to the non planet planet Pluto and beyond and back again.

Today you tried your very first popsicle.  Some people think you look like Papa Walt, some think you look like your da-dads, and I think you look a little like your cousin Emmett.