Monday, April 15, 2013

When life is a big ☹ face

The pain is sudden and intense, you writher around in bed trying to find a comfortable spot, only you are unable to.  You start twitching one foot; it’s ticking like a dog’s tail on a stimulant, in efforts to distract yourself from the pain.  You start praying and hoping that the pain will pass and that sleep will once again return.

The minutes pass by and you stupidly realize that the pain isn’t going anywhere and you are in need of the porcelain throne.  Nothing happens and the pain intensifies.  If you were to have an out of body experience (which wouldn’t be so bad at this point if you could leave the pain with the body), you would see yourself lying on the closet floor.  Your face pinched in pain and you are trying will all your might and will power to cry quietly.  You notice that your pajamas are soaking wet and your body, (which continues to writher in pain), is sweating profusely in response to the pain and most likely a fever.

The story continues to the ER, pharmacies, and multiple follow-up visits to a physician. 

If you have been blessed with health as a gift, then hopefully you will never experience something of this nature.  You will never have to know what it’s like to lay on the floor of a CVS pharmacy waiting for your prescriptions and then having to bolt so you reach the bathroom in enough time to vomit.  You will never have to experience the constant pain (that you deny when others ask if you’re ok), because at this point it will, despite your best and valiant effort not to let it, it defines who you are for a few days.  Those few days seem like an eternity.

Living with an autoimmune disease makes you more susceptible to illnesses.  It also makes recovery longer, as in this situation.  You can put forth all your best efforts to weed out what is autoimmune and what is the infection you’ve been told you have, (or wait, you’ve been told that you have two different infections) but it almost doesn’t do any good, as you have no control. 

I am currently being held hostage by two infections and an autoimmune disease.

While it frustrates me to no end, not being able to function, not being able to work, not being able to enjoy life, not being able to recognize humor, and not being able to be me during times like this.  I can still recognize that I am fortunate to have those in my life that care and love me, who have so graciously given up their time to tend to me, to take my dog and care for her, send me get well messages, and to selflessly support me during this time.  To all of you, Thank you!