Last year around this same time I sat in my office and cried... I desperately needed and wanted my staff to have access to the COVID vaccination in round one. I fought, I made my voice heard, my team got vaccinated. As soon as orders were placed over 90% of my team was in within a few hours getting their first round of COVID vaccinations. My heart overflowed with joy and hope.
It's fair to say I support vaccinations for COVID.
Fast forward to this year. The COVID vaccination was approved for emergency use authorization for the 5-12 year olds. This brought on a whole new set of emotions. I cannot really put a finger on what made me hesitant to make an appointment for my 5 year old to be vaccinated, but the hesitancy and fear were real. I spent many hours reading on pros and cons. I went to work everyday knowing I felt safer because I was vaccinated. I see and hear the outcomes of those unvaccinated in our ICUs compared to the outcomes of those vaccinated and hospitalized. I know the value of vaccinations and yet I was hesitant.
You see my 5 year old is neurodivergent. He has asthma. He has ADHA. He has sensory processing disorder. He has anxiety. And despite his age he continues to get croup so severe it's ended him in the ED multiple times this past year. I know that should he get COVID it is a 50/50 chance that it could be mild or severe. Still I was hesitant. My mind swirled with the "what ifs" in spite of the cognitive knowledge I have that should he end up infected his outcomes would be better if he were vaccinated.... and still I hesitated.
I made an appointment for his first vaccination only to cancel it a few miles from the appointment, because I didn't feel ready. I continued to read and I continued to ponder. Ultimately, knowing that my team of PTs and OTs who is part of a proning team in the ICUs is now helping with pediatric patients proning. This ultimately is life saving efforts. I don't want to be on that end. I still wonder the long term effects. I still wonder if he would have made the same decision for himself as an adult. Fact is I am trusting what data we have and making the best decision possible at this moment.
My reason for writing tonight is not to change anyones mind but rather to shed light that it's not an easy decision to make. It's ok to know the positive impact vaccinations can have and still be hesitant when considering our littlest humans. It's ok to have conflicting knowledge and emotions. It happens in life everyday, it just felt magnified when considering little ones. It's ok.
Today he received his first vaccination and he told the nurse... "I'm here to save the world."
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