The pain is sudden and intense, you writher around in bed
trying to find a comfortable spot, only you are unable to. You start twitching one foot; it’s ticking
like a dog’s tail on a stimulant, in efforts to distract yourself from the
pain. You start praying and hoping that
the pain will pass and that sleep will once again return.
The minutes pass by and you stupidly realize that the pain
isn’t going anywhere and you are in need of the porcelain throne. Nothing happens and the pain
intensifies. If you were to have an out
of body experience (which wouldn’t be so bad at this point if you could leave
the pain with the body), you would see yourself lying on the closet floor. Your face pinched in pain and you are trying
will all your might and will power to cry quietly. You notice that your pajamas are soaking wet
and your body, (which continues to writher in pain), is sweating profusely in
response to the pain and most likely a fever.
The story continues to the ER, pharmacies, and multiple
follow-up visits to a physician.
If you have been blessed with health as a gift, then
hopefully you will never experience something of this nature. You will never have to know what it’s like to
lay on the floor of a CVS pharmacy waiting for your prescriptions and then
having to bolt so you reach the bathroom in enough time to vomit. You will never have to experience the
constant pain (that you deny when others ask if you’re ok), because at this
point it will, despite your best and valiant effort not to let it, it defines
who you are for a few days. Those few
days seem like an eternity.
Living with an autoimmune disease makes you more susceptible
to illnesses. It also makes recovery
longer, as in this situation. You can
put forth all your best efforts to weed out what is autoimmune and what is the
infection you’ve been told you have, (or wait, you’ve been told that you have
two different infections) but it almost doesn’t do any good, as you have no
control.
I am currently being held hostage by two infections and an
autoimmune disease.
While it frustrates me to no end, not being able to
function, not being able to work, not being able to enjoy life, not being able
to recognize humor, and not being able to be me during times like this. I can still recognize that I am fortunate to
have those in my life that care and love me, who have so graciously given up
their time to tend to me, to take my dog and care for her, send me get well
messages, and to selflessly support me during this time. To all of you, Thank you!
