"look at these kangles"

It's 10 in the morning and I have just woken up.  I drove through the night from my home in Minnesota to my parent's place in Ishpeming, Michigan, arriving at 5 a.m.  As I was sitting the the lazy-boy with my niece she promptly informs me that it's time for her to do my hair.

She gets me all set up, having me sit on the bedroom floor, while she sits on the edge of the bed, branding a comb and a bottle of heat spray.  (**Side note: I had back combed my hair the previous day as part of my hair style.)  My niece starts by combing from the top of my head and promptly gets stopped by tangles.  She struggles and struggles trying to get past the backcombing that I had done the previous day.  I asked, "What are you using to comb my hair?"  She promptly leans around and forward to look at me and shows me a very small flexible comb that should only be used on a Barbies hair!  I suggest,  "maybe you want a brush."

She returns wielding a brush like a sword ready for a fight.  She gives my hair a few pulls, pulling so hard she falls backwards onto the bed.  In frustration she shoves the brush around to the front of my face (there is no hair in the brush as this point) and states, "Look at all these kangles!"  She grabs the heat spray and starts spraying the crown of my head.  Just when I think she's sprayed it enough, I start counting... 1,2,3...10, 11.....20, 21... 25!  Twenty-five or more sprays of heat spray!  I start feeling the liquid drip down my head and onto my neck.  "Oh, Auntie you're almost there."  Yank, yank, yank.  "Ohhh, what do we have here?  A ticket? (meaning tick)"  I start panicking, "What!! There is a tick in my hair?"  My niece states, "Yeah, but don't worry I grabded his leg and throwed him out!"  (There never was a tick)

The brushing, yanking, and spraying continue for about 15 minutes.  Each tangle she comes across she gives a good yank and falls backwards onto the bed.  By this time my legs are going numb from the position I'm sitting in.  Finally she states, "Oh, you're almost done.  You'll be just like me.  Beautiful.  Your hair is turning long and beautiful."  She states, "We're almost done.  Now what did you do with that other thing?" (Meaning the small flexible Barbie comb)  I hold up the comb and ask, "You mean this?"  She promptly grabs it like a Samurai warrior about to fight and exclaims, "YES!"  And then starts the fine tuning of my hair do.  Finally she grabs my clip and pulls all my hair back and says, "Yep, you're beautiful! You're all done.  You're allowed to leave the room now!" 

(By the end 3/4 of the heat spray bottle had been used)

The grammar of children...

As said by a 6 year old to me, "You used to been a baby."

"hot mama"

While relaxing in a hot tub with some friends and their children, a friend told me, "You can see the steam coming off of you!"  I replied, "Yea, I'm hot."  A minute later a 9 year old looks at me and asked, "Are you a mama?"  I said, "No, not yet."  She smiled and said, "Well if you were, we could call you a HOT Mama!"