Are you a teacher?

Over cookies and coffee with my 5 year old niece:

My niece: Auntie, Are you a teacher?
Me: Well, I suppose you could call me a Speech teacher.
My niece: Well... I know speech is a class but how do you talk speechie?

"just not hicking..."

While working with a student:

Me: Oh, I have the hiccups.
Student: (real seriously) Me, too.
Me: (looking at him in disbelief) Really?
Student: Yes, there just not hicking right now.

they're scare to marry you

My 5 year old niece asked me, "Auntie, Why aren't you getting married?"  I told her I have to find someone to marry first.  Her response... "They are scared to marry you."

K-O-L-H-E-R

While working with a 4 year old student he let me know he had to use the restroom.  So, I stood out in the hallway waiting, when I hear in a loud voice... "K-O-L-H-E-R spells gross potty!"  And then he proceeded to laugh his head off.

Kolher is the brand of toilet.

"life is on a train."

My niece's rendition to the end of "Row your Boat" is... "merrily merrily merrily merrily life is on a train."

real sleep...

As said to me by my 5 year old niece, "First I think sleep, than I real sleep."

"I've got the moves"

As said to me by a 4 year old getting ready to dance to music with her younger 2 year old sister, "You might not want to be close to me when I dance, because I've got the moves."

"Can you breath?"

While sitting in church my niece pointed the the wide black belt I have on.  It is the type of belt that you wear at your empire waist.  She asked, "What's that?"  I say, "A belt."  She points to my natural waist and said, "It's supposed to be there."  I tell her, "Well this one is to be worn higher than your waist."  She looked quizzically at me and asked, "Well, can you at least breath with that on?"

"all the intestines"

My niece was over at my home playing with Little People. She states, "Look Auntie I found all the intestines."  I look over and ask "What?".  She said, "Yes, I found of the intestines for the competition." 

She meant contestants. 

"look at these kangles"

It's 10 in the morning and I have just woken up.  I drove through the night from my home in Minnesota to my parent's place in Ishpeming, Michigan, arriving at 5 a.m.  As I was sitting the the lazy-boy with my niece she promptly informs me that it's time for her to do my hair.

She gets me all set up, having me sit on the bedroom floor, while she sits on the edge of the bed, branding a comb and a bottle of heat spray.  (**Side note: I had back combed my hair the previous day as part of my hair style.)  My niece starts by combing from the top of my head and promptly gets stopped by tangles.  She struggles and struggles trying to get past the backcombing that I had done the previous day.  I asked, "What are you using to comb my hair?"  She promptly leans around and forward to look at me and shows me a very small flexible comb that should only be used on a Barbies hair!  I suggest,  "maybe you want a brush."

She returns wielding a brush like a sword ready for a fight.  She gives my hair a few pulls, pulling so hard she falls backwards onto the bed.  In frustration she shoves the brush around to the front of my face (there is no hair in the brush as this point) and states, "Look at all these kangles!"  She grabs the heat spray and starts spraying the crown of my head.  Just when I think she's sprayed it enough, I start counting... 1,2,3...10, 11.....20, 21... 25!  Twenty-five or more sprays of heat spray!  I start feeling the liquid drip down my head and onto my neck.  "Oh, Auntie you're almost there."  Yank, yank, yank.  "Ohhh, what do we have here?  A ticket? (meaning tick)"  I start panicking, "What!! There is a tick in my hair?"  My niece states, "Yeah, but don't worry I grabded his leg and throwed him out!"  (There never was a tick)

The brushing, yanking, and spraying continue for about 15 minutes.  Each tangle she comes across she gives a good yank and falls backwards onto the bed.  By this time my legs are going numb from the position I'm sitting in.  Finally she states, "Oh, you're almost done.  You'll be just like me.  Beautiful.  Your hair is turning long and beautiful."  She states, "We're almost done.  Now what did you do with that other thing?" (Meaning the small flexible Barbie comb)  I hold up the comb and ask, "You mean this?"  She promptly grabs it like a Samurai warrior about to fight and exclaims, "YES!"  And then starts the fine tuning of my hair do.  Finally she grabs my clip and pulls all my hair back and says, "Yep, you're beautiful! You're all done.  You're allowed to leave the room now!" 

(By the end 3/4 of the heat spray bottle had been used)

The grammar of children...

As said by a 6 year old to me, "You used to been a baby."

"hot mama"

While relaxing in a hot tub with some friends and their children, a friend told me, "You can see the steam coming off of you!"  I replied, "Yea, I'm hot."  A minute later a 9 year old looks at me and asked, "Are you a mama?"  I said, "No, not yet."  She smiled and said, "Well if you were, we could call you a HOT Mama!" 

"...for our sins."

My niece Hallie asked me if I remembered her friend Oliver from daycare.  I told her yes I remember him.  She then related this story:  "Well my friend Oliver, he asked me, "Why did God die?"  And I told him, God didn't die, Jesus did.  And then he asked me, "Well, why did Jesus die?"  And so I told him, Well, like, for our sins."

I'm eating it too

While eating pizza for lunch with my niece, I noticed she was picking the toppings off so I asked, "Hallie are you just going to pick the stuff off the top?" She replied, "No, I'm eating it too!"

"...these things?"

While babysitting this morning I told my nephew Tristan, "Your hands are cold. Brr." He promptly lifts his hands palms facing in to his eye level, shakes them and said, "You mean these things?"

"...he's hot"

My niece Hallie is sitting on the couch watching the dog pant. She laughs every time his tongue comes out. In her laughter she says, "He thinks he's hot."